15 more days...

Just twiddling my thumbs and counting the days over here. 15 more days (including today) of birth control. Sorry I don't really have anything exciting to report...

March has become this grey cloud of gloom hanging over me. It is completely impossible for me to make plans, because although I have my dated protocol, all the big important stuff (egg retrieval and embryo transfer) hasn't been scheduled yet and won't be until last minute. All my monitoring appointments are based on how my body reacts to the medication. So up until 3/8 (my second monitoring appointment after 3 days of stim injections), is all I know. For a girl who likes to plan out every second of her life months in advance, this is incredibly frustrating.

You know what else I've realized recently?

IVF completely takes out the surprise of getting pregnant. Like, I'm gonna know the exact day when I'll find out if it worked or not. And on top of that, all of my family and friends and all of you are going to know that date too. Which, to be fair, is partially my fault for putting this story out into the world of the internet, but still, like, I want to have a cute baby announcement on Facebook 3 months into pregnancy too!! It's so not fair and I hate it.

So, I've decided something. I'm going to post here when we have our egg retrieval and when we do our embryo transfer and even the date I'll take my beta test to see if I'm pregnant or not. But after that beta test day when I find out the results, I'm taking a break from blogging and updating friends/family. I think no matter what the result is, I want Kyle and I to be able to have space to either grieve or celebrate in that moment. Whether I end up pregnant or not, I'm going to need time to digest the results. 

At least, that's my thought on the matter for today. Maybe that will change, maybe not, but I just know that if the test ends up negative and I'm crying my eyes out, I'm going to get super annoyed if I have a bunch of people texting me the day of my beta test wanting to hear the result. And, at least it will give me some small element of surprise :)