I'm Back!

Back from our amazinggg vacation and it's been awhile since I've checked in on here. Where to start...

We had the most incredible time on our ski trip and as I thought, it really helped the 2.5 weeks of birth control go quickly! I can't believe tomorrow will be my LAST day!! It's been causing me some mild nausea, so I'm excited to be done with it, although I know the end really just signals the beginning of what's about to be a large amount of injection side effects. Blah..

So here's what things are looking like schedule-wise. Still on the BC today and tomorrow. Thursday at 8am, I go in for my "Pre IVF baseline monitoring appointment" where I'll do blood work and an ultrasound. The point of this is to see my hormone levels and check the status of my ovary follicles as a baseline before we start the injections. These levels will be what we compare future levels to as my body responds to the medications. Also, they want to ensure that the birth control did it's job in shutting everything down and that everything looks as expected. If all looks good, we will be starting injections this Sunday (AHHH!). I'm assuming they could also decide to push the injection date up or back depending on my results Thursday - so we will just have to see!

Last night we (finally) finished up all of our online IVF modules. They make you complete them before you start injections so that you know everythinggggg - and I mean everything. Last night we learned about all of the risks associated with IVF and IVF pregnancies. It's funny, when they describe all the risks, it's like, "this only happens in 1 out of every 5,000 IVF cycles... " which, in theory, sounds like a low risk, but when you've already been told you're 1 in 4,000 with a unicornuate uterus, those odds don't sound so great anymore...

I'm not sure where my head is at this point. I feel refreshed from vacation, but at the same time it's always hectic getting back into a normal routine after being away. I'm definitely totally terrified, but also ready to just get on with it so I can stop anticipating everything.

In other random news, one of our fur babies, Molly, had quite the episode at the vet while we were away this weekend. We boarded them there while we were gone and planned for them to have their yearly shots while they were there. They've gotten these shots every year since they were born, but for some unknown reason, Molly had some kind of reaction to them this time and within minutes of receiving the shots, she went into shock. They said she turned completely pale, had trouble breathing, and was unresponsive. Luckily, they noticed right away and gave her some anti drugs, fluids, and oxygen which got her back to normal. They said it's a very rare thing, and especially rare for dogs to have this on year 4 or 5 rather than 1 or 2 [can we just stop having rare things happen to us please???]. All of this happened while we were on the plane, so I missed all the calls from the vet. By the time we landed and I got their voicemails, they had gotten her stable and under control. Thank goodness - otherwise we probably would have wanted to come home!!! The next day her eye swelled up huge for some unknown reason, but they were able to get that under control too. She seems to be back to normal now, but they sent us home with some meds and we have to keep a close eye on her (and boy was that a fun vet bill to come home to...). For those of you who know Molly, you know she went missing in the woods of WV for 15 days in April and somehow survived - I'm starting to wonder if she's a cat with 9 lives at this point. Oh this dog!!! Sorry not infertility related, but you can see the crazy we came home to!

I'll check in again on Thursday after my appointment! 2 more days of BC! 5 more days till stimulation phase day 1!!!

Spring Cleaning

Ok, yes, it's not Spring, but was this weekend's weather gorgeous or WHAT?!

I had been planning this past weekend as a "cleaning weekend" because it was my only weekend with zero plans for what seems like forever. Typically, we keep our home pretty neat and organized, but with our dryer breaking last week and our hectic schedules, our house had been put on the back burner and needed some serious TLC. Kyle worked this weekend and had to sleep during the day, so I literally had the whole weekend to clean and organize!

I cleaned from 7am to 5pm on Saturday - yes, I am crazy. I also did like 500 bajillion loads of laundry and got rid of 3-4 trash bags of crap out of closets/drawers/cabinets. The warm weather put me in the best mood and cleaning with the windows open and music on is one of my favorite things to do. I got most everything done on Saturday, so Sunday I spent running some fun errands. I got my nails done in prep for our vacation and I went to Target to get a new rug for our living room (read: went to target to get rug, left with $400 worth of home decor...oops).

It's amazing what a clean house, warm weather, and some new decor pieces for your home can do for your mood. I feel like I'm mentally in such a good place (I mean, who's isn't when you're about to go on vacation??) which is helping so much with prepping for our big month in March. I'm so happy I checked off all of my cleaning to-dos this weekend. Now, we can leave for our trip this week knowing we will come back to a clean and organized house and I'll be refreshed and ready to tackle the stimulation phase!!

Probably won't post here again till we get back from our vacation, but once I'm back, we'll be full steam ahead on IVF and the updates will be coming much more frequently!

15 more days...

Just twiddling my thumbs and counting the days over here. 15 more days (including today) of birth control. Sorry I don't really have anything exciting to report...

March has become this grey cloud of gloom hanging over me. It is completely impossible for me to make plans, because although I have my dated protocol, all the big important stuff (egg retrieval and embryo transfer) hasn't been scheduled yet and won't be until last minute. All my monitoring appointments are based on how my body reacts to the medication. So up until 3/8 (my second monitoring appointment after 3 days of stim injections), is all I know. For a girl who likes to plan out every second of her life months in advance, this is incredibly frustrating.

You know what else I've realized recently?

IVF completely takes out the surprise of getting pregnant. Like, I'm gonna know the exact day when I'll find out if it worked or not. And on top of that, all of my family and friends and all of you are going to know that date too. Which, to be fair, is partially my fault for putting this story out into the world of the internet, but still, like, I want to have a cute baby announcement on Facebook 3 months into pregnancy too!! It's so not fair and I hate it.

So, I've decided something. I'm going to post here when we have our egg retrieval and when we do our embryo transfer and even the date I'll take my beta test to see if I'm pregnant or not. But after that beta test day when I find out the results, I'm taking a break from blogging and updating friends/family. I think no matter what the result is, I want Kyle and I to be able to have space to either grieve or celebrate in that moment. Whether I end up pregnant or not, I'm going to need time to digest the results. 

At least, that's my thought on the matter for today. Maybe that will change, maybe not, but I just know that if the test ends up negative and I'm crying my eyes out, I'm going to get super annoyed if I have a bunch of people texting me the day of my beta test wanting to hear the result. And, at least it will give me some small element of surprise :)

Birth Control

It's been 2 days of these tiny pink pills.

The good thing about these two and a half weeks of birth control is that it's helping me get in a routine with my medication. I had already been taking Vitamin D and Prenatal vitamins every night, but it was kinda a "take it whenever I thought about it" thing - which, I was good about remembering - I think I missed maybe one night out of the last two months, but I was never on a strict time schedule.

Now, I have a 7pm alarm set on my phone to take my meds. For now, it's just the vitamins and birth control, but I've decided I'm going to stick to that 7pm time once the injections start too (injections need to be taken at approx the same time every day). It gives us enough time to eat dinner once I get home from work, and is still 40ish minutes before Kyle has to leave for work.

So far, not feeling any different - not that I expected to.

I started googling "IVF tips and tricks" last night and got caught up in a never ending list of blogs - boy was that a mistake. I appreciate the effort IVFers have gone through to help out other women entering IVF, but man, I really just don't like reading it. It makes me anxious reading which injection hurts worse than others, and how your ovaries get so large you look 4 months pregnant... ugh. I kinda feel like I'd rather just not know and go into it without expectations - makes it less scary to me. It's like, watching as someone sticks a needle in your arm. No thanks, I'd rather look the other way.

Luckily, I have lots to keep me busy. We celebrated my little sister's sweet 16 this weekend, so on Saturday I went back to my home town and helped her and my dad set up everything. Yesterday, I got my hair done in Baltimore and then had a meeting with one of my fall brides. Oh and our dryer decided to malfunction and start smoking. So we currently have wet clothes hanging all over our house... yeah that's fun.

We leave for our ski trip next Thursday!!

Dated Protocol!

Well that was fast!!!

I posted earlier this morning just to let you know I hit cycle day 1 and figured it would be tomorrow until I'd have an official dated protocol to post, but my Shady Grove nurse is the best!!!! She sent me everything before noon!!!

Here it is!!

So, I'm starting the birth control pills this Saturday! My nurse was able to time my birth control window to cover our ski trip so that I'll be home just in time for all my appointments to start. I'll be calling today to schedule my monitoring appointments (blood work and ultrasound) for 3/2 and 3/8 - those are the only ones we have definite dates for now. The rest will be scheduled as we go through the 10-12 days of stimulation. Injections start 3/5!

If all goes according to plan, my embryo transfer will be around ~3/23 and we could know if I'm pregnant by ~4/2!

I have a feeling these days of birth control pills are going to feel SO LONG because I'm just ready to get the ball rolling and get through the injections! But at least I'll have our vacation in that window which will help a ton!

Probably won't have many updates now over the next few weeks while I'm on the BC. I will be sure to pop in a few times though. It will be interesting to see if I have any side effects from taking the pill since I've never taken one before! I hope I don't notice anything, but we'll see!

Cycle Day 1!

It's here!!! Cycle day 1 has arrived (and right on time!) which means we are officially starting IVF! I called my nurse, Tina, this morning to notify her. She normally doesn't answer, but is always good at getting back to me quickly. Me being paranoid, I left a voicemail and then emailed her too. I'm so annoying.

She called me back 30 minutes later saying she has some patients to tend to this morning, but that she is going to work on putting together my protocol today and should be sending it to me late this afternoon! She is going to call and go over all the dates and make sure we are ready to start! Ahhh!!!

Depending on when I hear back from her, I'll be posting my protocol here late today or tomorrow morning!!!!!

IT'S HAPPENING!!!!

p.s. - I had a thought this morning... IF we are lucky and this actually works the first time, this could be my last period until next year! Fun fact.

 

Injection Training

Well, in short, it was definitely overwhelming.

Warning: if all you wanted was the short story, see above. The rest is going to get lengthy because I'm literally writing everything that's fresh in my brain before I forget everything!!!! 

I left work around 3pm yesterday to head home and pick up Kyle before we went to Shady Grove. My stomach hurt ALL day yesterday, I think because I was so nervous. We arrived 10 minutes before our class started at 5pm and were the first there. I knew they only accepted 3-4 couples per class, so I expected it to be small. We had only 3 couples in our class (including us).

Once everyone arrived, they took us into a meeting type room (and it was freezing in there - why do doctor's office's always have to be so cold?? And it was 72 degrees outside!! In February!!!!). They had little place cards set out with our names on them telling us where to sit and all the supplies lined up and organized. It was kinda cute, in a sick, needles laying out, kinda way.

Our nurse leading the class was super nice and I was impressed with how organized it all was. She had a list in front of her that detailed which couple had which doctor and which medications each of us would be taking. Everyone's IVF protocol is a little different depending on the doctor and your personal infertility diagnosis and the nurse did a great job separating out what each of us had to do. 

First we started with Menopur. It was the "hardest" of all the medication prep, so they teach you that one first so the rest seem easy. Menopur does not come with a preloaded dose in a syringe because it requires mixing saline and the medicine powder. My protocol requires a double dose (150 IU) of Menopur, so we use the saline (1 cc) to mix into two vials (75 IU each) of the powder. We learned how to use a mixing needle to mix the correct amount of saline with the correct amount of powder, and then how to switch out the mixing needle for the injection needle, and finally, how to properly inject it. [I was relieved when I found out we were using a little rubber cushion for our injections rather than our actual bodies during the class... whew]. Menopur will be one of my daily injections during the stimulation phase when we are getting my ovaries to grow multiple eggs (in a natural cycle, you only produce one egg).

Next was Follistim. This one was cool - it comes with a "pen" that you use for the injections so you don't need to use a new syringe every time. Simply load the pen with the medicine vial, dial the right amount of medication (300 IU) on the end of the pen, insert a needle at the top, and then push the end of the pen in to inject. This one will go right along with the Menopur, used every day during the stim phase to stimulate my follicles (about 10-12ish days).

During the stimulation phase when we are injecting Menopur and Follistim, I have to go in for monitoring (bloodwork and ultrasound) about every other day, or even daily, to monitor how my ovaries are responding to the medication. They want to watch your follicles grow and make sure they know exactly when they are at the perfect size. Shady Grove will call me every evening after I have a monitoring appointment to let me know my results from the monitoring and if they want me to change any dosages. Once my follicles are getting big and looking like they are about ready, they will put me on a new medication to prevent me from ovulating. We don't want my body to ovulate on it's own because we want the eggs still there for the egg retrieval surgery!

So, then we learned how to inject Cetrotide, which is the medication that prevents ovulation. This one also wasn't too bad because each box I received comes packaged as one dose. The syringe is pre-loaded with the saline, but it does require mixing powder again like the Menopur. I'll only be taking this injection once my follicles are almost ready and I'll probably only take it for a few days. So during this short phase of a few days, I'll be injecting Menopur, Follistim, and Cetrotide - max 3 injections.

The final injection is the "trigger shot." This injection is to prepare your body to release the eggs. Once I get to the end of the stim phase and my doctor decides I'm ready for egg retrieval, Shady Grove will call me that night saying "tonight you'll do your trigger shot." At that point, I stop doing the stim meds and I wait for a second phone call. A scheduler at Shady Grove will call me again that night and tell me the exact time to take my trigger shot. The timing is so important because my egg retrieval surgery has to be exactly 36 hours after my trigger. So, they could call and say, "do your trigger tonight at 3am" and then my egg retrieval will be 36 hours later at 3pm. CRAZY!

Dr. Sagoskin had me order two types of trigger medications, Lupon and HCG. I'll only use one of them, but he makes that determination depending on what my follicles look like at the end of my stim phase. I'm not exactly sure how all that gets decided, but all I need to know is that, they will tell me when it's time for me to take it and what to take. The Lupron and HCG are taken differently. Lupron is injected subcutaneously (in the fat in your stomach) like all the rest of the injections, but HCG is a giant shot that you take intramuscularly (in the butt muscle! ouch!!!!). I already forget my dosages for each of these, ugh (I think it was 0.8ml of Lupron and 10,000 IU of HCG), but I have it written down at home. Also Lupron is the medication I'm still waiting to order because it expires quickly!

That was it for the injections, but we also went over the few other medications I'll be taking. I have 2 pills I'll take the night before my egg retrieval - easy. Then I also have meds I take after egg retrieval is complete. One is a pill that I take every day up until 10 weeks pregnant. The other is a vaginal suppository (oh yeah, fun stuff) of progesterone that I take 3 times a day (yes, you read that right, 3 TIMES a day) up until 6 weeks pregnant - HOLY MOLY. Both of those are to help my uterine lining be perfect for embryo transfer and implantation! It also helps reduce the chance of miscarriage.

Whew, that was everything. Did I feel better afterwards? In terms of knowing the schedule and also the inventory of everything, yes. But it was SO overwhelming. Honestly, typing it all out though makes me feel better, at least I remembered it. We also have videos we can watch too so if we forget something, that should help.

When we got home, I wanted to go through all my meds again to make sure I had everything now that I knew better what I was supposed to have. While we were practicing the Menopur, I realized we needed 2 needles (large mixing needle and small injection needle) and a syringe - one for each day of the medication. I didn't remember seeing any of that in my package and wanted to check at home. And I was right, literally no syringes or mixing needles for the Menopur. I don't know who messed that up - my nurse that sent the order or the pharmacy that filled the order. I'm gonna guess CVS Caremark since they've been a pain to work with already. So, this morning I had to call my lovely CVS friends who don't speak english to tell them that I have nothing to inject my Menopur with. Ugh. I was also missing alcohol wipes and a sharps container to dispose all my needles in. It was painless for the most part this morning talking to them, so I'll spare you the details, but luckily I should have all the missing things delivered by tomorrow. Yay more needles in the mail!

So, now we are just waiting on cycle day 1 to show up so I can call and get my official dated protocol from Shady Grove. Should be here tomorrow-ish. Never wanted my period to show up so badly in my life - let's get this show on the road!!!!!

Hopefully I'll be writing soon with my official dates!!! It's really starting!!!

Scared

Still nothing new here, but it's been a few days since I've posted and with our injection class tomorrow, I'm sure I won't have time to post about it until Wednesday.

It's hitting me this week, the nerves. A different kind of nerves - not the, "what if it doesn't work" nerves, but the "I'm scared of all the needles" nerves. I want to be tough about it, I really do, but I'm terrified. I have no idea what to expect for tomorrow either. Like, am I going to give myself an injection tomorrow during the class for practice? Or is it going to be pretend? I feel like I'm not ready.

I'm anxious for tomorrow, too. I just hope it's all easy to understand and that it isn't too overwhelming. It has to be easy, right? I'm an educated person and I did well in school, I should be able to learn how to prepare and inject medication. BUT IT'S SCARY! I just really hope I leave the class feeling better and more confident in my ability to do this. 

We got our giant dry-erase calendar hung up this weekend. How ridiculous is this hanging in our bedroom??? I'll be getting our protocol this week after I hit cycle day 1, so this thing should be filling up soon!

In other news, I have the best friend EVER. We saw my bestie, Erin, and her fiancé, Dave, last night at their Super Bowl party and they gave us the best food present ever. TONS of delicious frozen ravioli and so many dinners that we can easily cook over the next few weeks of chaos. I love her. And we already decided that when (when, not if) I'm pregnant this summer and we go to their pool for memorial day, Erin's hashtag is going to be "#imdrinkingfortwo" (HA!) and that was just the best thing to make me laugh away my fears :)

1 day to our injection class, ~3 more days till cycle day 1!

No News

Not much going on over here, but just popping in to say hi. 

Thrilling developments this week:

1. I got a heating pad. A lot of advice I hear from fellow IVFers is that a heating pad after injections helps the pain. Apparently, heating pads have made some serious improvements since last I used one - which was probably like, 1999. The one I got is fuzzy and soft like a blanket, has ties so I can tie it around my waist, and a fancy remote with lots of settings. Thrilling, I know.

2. I ordered a calendar. A gigantic, dry erase, calendar. I plan to hang it in our bedroom and use it to write down our medication protocol so it helps me stay on track, organized, and focused on the process. Gonna look great hanging in our bedroom don't ya think?

I also spoke to my primary nurse this morning who is back from vacation now. I was confused about how they decide when you start birth control and how long you take it - all the forms I had said you start it cycle day 2-4 and then you take it for 14-21 days and I wasn't sure how the exact number of days was determined. I assumed it would be a health/medical reason that would decide, but it's actually all schedule oriented! When I call on cycle day 1, they look at their schedule for the clinic and try to time your birth control so that your protocol will line up well with the current demand they have. They will only allow a certain number of women per day to start an IVF protocol. Pretty neat! So when I call, they will let me know then the exact number of days I need to take it and when to start - all which will affect the timing of my IVF meds.

6 more days till injection training. ~9 more days until cycle day 1 and our official start! 

The Meds Have Arrived!

And I really thought I was prepared for a large amount, but yet somehow, there was still WAY more than I expected...

I had scheduled delivery for this past Friday and when I checked the tracking number Friday morning, it was already "out for delivery" at 7:30am - woo hoo! It should arrive soon then! So I thought... I went to work, checked throughout the day, made Kyle stay home to wait for it, came home from work, still nothing... By 8:15pm I had given up hope that they were coming, but 15 minutes later, they were FINALLY here! [ps.. notice the box says "Rush - Perishable - Rush" ...clearly, the UPS guy didn't care that we were basically the last person he visited Friday... yes, I know I'm impatient] And bad timing too... Kyle was just leaving for work, the dogs started going nuts barking at the UPS guy, and I so badly wanted to take my time opening everything up, but still wanted Kyle to be there with me when we unpacked all of it. He stayed late a few minutes to help me figure out how to store everything (about half of it gets refrigerated).

We opened the box and started taking things out and it was like IT NEVER ENDED. Cooler boxes, ice packs, SO MANY NEEDLES, boxes and boxes of medication. Holy moly.

And it basically sat out on my counter like that all weekend until today. I had a shoot that I was doing for Ginger & Blooms on Saturday, so I didn't have time to go through all of it, but today I spent some time "styling" (a term us creative people use when we typically flat style wedding invitations, jewelry, etc) my medication. I am SO weird. But I got some good pictures so that one day I can look back and see how CRAZY this is. IVF is no joke.

How on earth am I going to take all of this?!?!

I have to admit, I had mixed feelings going through all of it. Part of me felt excited... like, it's here! It's real! I might actually be pregnant by March!!!! And then another part of me is totally terrified. I'm scared about how I'm going to handle all of this and how the medication is going to affect me and even if I'm going to be tough enough to go through with it. I keep reminding myself to stay focused on that excitement I feel because that makes me feel stronger and gives me the motivation I need. One step at a time.

Happy to have this step out of the way for now. The bad part? This isn't even all of the medication!!! I still have the Lupron from the other pharmacy that I'll need to order closer to when I start the meds. And I have the birth control that I'll be on for 14-21 days in February once my next cycle starts (in like... 12ish days probably).

Next step: Our injection class on the 7th!